Tuesday, May 25, 2010

No Party For This Bachelorette


All along, I've never intended to have a bachelorette party. I know they can be fun, and I would have considered a joint party with Mr. Cola, but all of our wedding party is from out of state, and I certainly wouldn't want them to travel here just for a little party. Plus, I'll be going out and doing something low key with one or two of my bridesmaids the Wednesday night before our wedding anyway.

I guess, for me, I've just never gotten the point. Yes, it's totally fun to go out with just the girls sometimes (but you don't need an excuse to do that)! But it's the idea some movies/TV portray of a bachelorette party as a "last wild night to celebrate being single" that just doesn't click with me. I haven't been single for a very long time, regardless if we're actually married yet or not! Maybe I'm just getting old.... ;)

But last week at lunch with three of my good (guy) friends from work, one of them asked me when my bachelorette party was, and they were shocked when I said I wasn't having one. The conversation went like this:

Friend: "So, when is your bachelorette party?"

Me: "I'm not having one."

All 3 Friends: "Whaaaaaat? But it's a rite of passage!"

Me: "Eh!"

I guess for some guys it's a lot bigger deal? Hmmm, I wonder if that could be because a lot of the time there are strippers involved?

My friends then proceeded to offer to take me out to the Mitchell Brothers and the Gold Club (two gentleman's clubs in San Francisco), since they knew I wouldn't want to go to Ruby Skye with them again (a popular nightclub).

Um, no thanks!

I've heard sometimes that brides and grooms make sacrifices and go along with bachelor/bachelorette party activities to humor their friends, but I wasn't willing to in this case! Watching my friends get lap dances, or going to a club and get groped by strangers or hit on for a one night stand just isn't my idea of a fun night!

However, going to a SF Giants game and drinking overpriced wine? Yes. Going out to a nice dinner? Sure. Playing darts at a dive bar? Cool. Going to a nice lounge and tasting a flight of wine? Awesome (gee, maybe I like wine or something?). But I can't imagine enjoying myself at something involving strippers that my guy friends planned, as an excuse for them to look at nekkid boobies. After all, isn't a bachelorette party supposed to be about the bride having fun?

I politely declined my friend's offer, but told them they should go without me and celebrate the fact that they're still single for me! That way, everyone wins. I'm usually a people pleaser, but in this case I just had to draw the line.

What is your preference on bachelor and bachelorette parties--something low key, or an all out last single bash? And would you go along with something you didn't want to do for your friends?


  1. Yeah, I probably would have declined the offer to go to a gentlemen's club, too! I am looking forward to my "official" bachelorette party for the same reason I looked forward to my bridesmaids' tea - I just don't have too many chances to have all of my best friends with me at once! It makes sense to skip this tradition if most of your close friends are out of state.

    I never really understood the concept of the bachelorette party as the "last single night" either. You are absolutely right on that point - most of us have not been single for quite some time! I have no idea what my cousin/MOH has planned for my official bachelorette party, but I hope it involves a good restaurant and maybe some spa treatments :) Strippers? Not so much!

  2. "Going out for a low key night right before the wedding with my friends" = bachelorette party. No strippers need be involved in order to call it a bachelorette party. Calling it "low key" is a polite way of letting people know "no strippers," so you can get people off your back if you just call it that :) It's your party; it's whatever you want it to be :)

  3. Personally, I don't see it as a last wild night of singledom. I see it more as an excuse to go out and celebrate with the girls. Most of them aren't single either. As long as we are all together and having a good time, I don't really care what we get up to. Since its your party, you can do whatever your heart desires :)

  4. I definitely would have declined that type of party, too! My bachelorette party was a fun day at Disneyland with my friends, which is out-of-the-ordinary, but was the perfect low-key day I wanted.

  5. My friends planned a big Vegas party for me and I had a lot of fun..there was a good mix of party, pamper and relax. I didn't like the lap dance I got, but I did laugh histerically while the dancer made me grab his buttcheeks. I am a modest gal and though it's not my day to day thing it was worth the laugh and I also paid my friends back by buying them dances (bwahahaha!) I think we are planning a second one closer to the wedding (for those who couldn't make it) I would love this one to more low key like maybe a wine tour with the gals.